Cactus

It started I think a month ago when a friend of mine made a witty statement about that stupid question, "If you were a catcus, why?" on Formspring.

She said: I hurt people who come too close.

And then a thought hit me. That's how I eventually turned out.

A series of heartaches primed by that one incident in August 22, 2010.

I tried so hard to forget about it. Made every conscious effort to believe that, yes people make mistakes, and they can change for the better. Even I make mistakes and made rash ones over the months that have passed, and of course even before that. But that event in that August 22 of last year, and now it's the 23rd, the day in that month when I found out about it... You see how it really stayed in my heart and how I even get bad dreams about it, until this very day.

I can still remember him pleading for me to stay. With tears in his eyes, kneeling down. My heart so crushed and beginning to shape into something that it was not meant to be. The heart that then grew spines. The spines of the cactus, which not only defend the cactus against herbivores but also provide shade that lowers the plant's water loss through transpiration. Thank you wikipedia. :))

I deemed them as herbivores, and to avoid them I must at least appear not as a prey. Or be the predator (or at least show and prove them that you're one). And to these people I have hurt, you now have your explanation. Im not saying it's justified. Not at all. I'm just saying where I came from.

So here I am, with spines or thorns if you wanna call it. Hoping that someday they'll be gone. Hoping that I won't get that same dream over and over again. Hoping that the next time I sleep my spines won't dig through me as I lay my back against my bed and turn over. It's hard to lie down when you're a cactus, you know.  You just have to keep on standing your ground. :)