Valentine's

It's heart's day. And wow.. It's been a long while since I've written anything down in this place.

So anyway, let me write again for I have missed doing this.

VALENTINE'S. <3 HAHA

People may find it cheesy or corny to publicly declare their love for someone. I never did. Not in blogs, at least. Hahaha. Who reads my blog anyway but myself. So, dear me, this is to remind yourself how much you are endeared to this person, even if you are starting to feel that this person has eyes on someone else, who apparently is someone you've trusted during the critical points in your life.

To my Nutella. Remember how we started? You'd drop by rehearsals to wish me well for my performance during Little Shop. You'd give me that kilig-digidig embrace that never failed to precede my memorable moments onstage. Those were the times I was trying to make sure if you really liked me. You never know how ecstatic I was to find out that you actually did. But I had to keep calm and carry on, like a princ - i mean boss. 

But everyday, my feelings for you just grew stronger. Sounds like a song, no? But yeah it really does happen. I hate you. Without you knowing it, I ended up being your fangirl. You were one of the most beautiful creations of our Lord God Almighty. Yes, no one will argue. If ever anyone does, id bet my life that ill win the debate. Sometimes I just get lost in how your prominent brown eyes would pierce my nip- i mean my heart. I would never forget that day you dropped me at the trike terminal across your ex's university. When you told me that what i told you made the most sense out of all explanations you were looking for as to why he replaced you with that someone he has now. Right before I got off your car, your smile in that dark place brought about a light that I still cling on to until this very day. 

Then I began to reveal the real me. The neurotic, needy, impulsive, emotional, too girly, insecure,  immature and ditzy me. And to be honest I don't know how else you see me in those shades of negativity. Maybe you've learned to see past those or you just put up with it, or.. or... nah... i shouldn't write down what my hidden fear actually is. But if ever you read this, I just like you to know that I've eventually found out how you denied to your MoW that we're actually together. And how you've maintained communication with that special friend I used to consider, when you know what my issue between the two of you is. And how during that time that he messaged you that you were browsing through his photos, his really gorgeous photos (yes to my dearest bff if ever you read this, you really are gorgeous and i really was a proud friend haha), and you told him that you missed him. As I read through the thread, your happiness was evident. It's something I observed that I think and feel I am not producing for you anymore. I'm really sad. But I want you to be happy, even if I may not be part of your happiness anymore.

Now I understand why you can stand 24-hours without communicating with me. As the saying goes: If you said that you would be there at seven and you get there by nine, and he or she has not called the police - it's gone. What's gone? I don't even want to answer that because I believe that... it's not gone. So long as I still believe that I have it with me. It's not gone... Or who am I fooling? I don't know... But one thing I am sure of.

I LOVE YOU. 

Enough for me to back off, and enough for me to fight for you. But if ever you do end up with him (which is not unlikely because it's not as if you've never done that before, hence your MoW), I won't be surprised. Hurt, yes a lot. Damaged, of course - what's new there right? At the end of it all, I'll just think of it as two special people in my life ending up together happily. Because that's the only thing I want for the both of you.

At such event, maybe then I'll just wait for someone to tell me, "It's okay... You can start all over, i'll be here with you to make the pain go away even if I know I'll never replace _____ in your heart. I'll stand beside you. And we'll write another beautiful love story, hopefully that one that will last." So that I know how it feels to hear the words I uttered to you. If it's something that should make me look for another one, or be content and fight for the present one we have. So that I know where exactly I've gone wrong.

Nutella... i love you. No more no less. But at this point, I don't know where to stand. I hope and pray that you find it in your heart to realize that I am still that guy who sat with you in the shady staircase beside the statue of Thomas Moore after your dance competition, the prominent guy who appears in the pictures of your mini-entrepreneurship just last year, that same guy who was running along Eastwood hiding from my parents, the same guy who was wiping your sweat while you were jacking up the tire beside that curse-of-blood house, the same guy whom you carried on your back along GH, the same guy who was crying beside you while watching "I See the Light," the same guy who loved you then, and will remain to love you if you will continue to allow him. 

That guy is crazy in love with you, and you don't even know it. Maybe this is the perfect time to know that.

Loving My Castmates

So far, being part of a kick-ass production with an even more kick-ass cast has been making my life busy yet fulfilling and rewarding at the same time. No matter how tiresome it gets, I just don't feel it until I lie down to sleep Sometimes, rehearsals is the only reason why I go to school. SOMETIMES. Because you know sometimes we have no classes. :)) So take this, how am I suppose to juggle a 730am class, MWF, and  430-9 rehearsals? Oh and every Wednesday... it's 730 and then 1030 and 1230-430, and then rehearsals... How d'you like that? :))

But I'd rather this, than doing nothing at all... :))
I'd rather this than not spending time with awesome castmates...
I'd rather this than... HAHAHA. :)) Fill in the blanks.. :))

So here's a short runthrough of my castmates and why I just keep on looking forward to rehearsals.

Tina Ramos as Audrey II

I apologize for her not having a face picture, we can't reveal yet how our plant would look like. But Tina Ramos is the bomb! A sexy voice, and an even sexier attitude, and well it's all about the sex, eh Tina? HAHAHA. Kidding! At first, I thought I wouldn't go along well with her because she's an Inglishera, and I'm the type who's: "Don't English me, I'm panic." HAHA. But when I got to know Tina more, I just love the fact that she's so funny and so sweeeeeeet, and even before I knew it, I'm speak English already. :)) She may have that intimidating aura, but FEH. Get to know the real Tina, she's just amazing. Inside and Out.

Luis Marcelo as Seymour Krelborn

The boy who ruined my dreams. And Dar's. HAHAHA. Well you see I wanted his role, Dar wanted mine. And well.. This guy came along. But yeah I guess Luis really does deserve the role more than I do. Take note, during our callbacks his voice was in poor condition. Which goes to show that the role is really meant for him and hands down to Luis for being able to give justice and color to Seymour. He also played Buddy the sidekick of Terry (played by me) in Freakshow (BlueREP's 2010 newbie production),  How to juggle acads and rehearsals? Ask Luis, 2 BS Managament-Honors! :D

 

 Maronne Cruz as Audrey

Yes.. She's the mother of Audrey II. She'll give birth to a plant. ABSURD right? That's the theme of the play. But, no, it's not that absurd. No humans giving birth to plants. HAHA. Well well well. What can I say about Maronne? She's probably one of the first few girls that gained my respect and, well, my heart when I was still a Newbie in BlueREP. With a very keen eye for fashion mix and match, and that intense rocker voice, and that milk-skin, and such proficiency in the English language like her close friend Tina Ramos, you may find it hard to imagine how she can be as crass and as finesse all at the same time.

Darrel Uy as Mr. Mushnik

DAR-ling, as I fondly call him, is the closest guy friend I can consider in BlueREP. Dar laughs at the fact that he always gets the old and fat boss-type in the plays. So Luis and I, getting the leading man type of roles, and then here comes Dar.. the old and fat boss. It has been our destiny. HAHA. But he's not fat right? And when you come to think of it, as adolescent college students, who can do such roles? Dar can simply do anything. And we're always at awe whenever he does Mr. Mushnik as he gives it a superb interpretation.

Roxci de Leon as Crystal

ALAAAAAAAAAARM... HAHA. It's an inside joke. Listen to "Skid Row" and you might have an idea of what I am trying to drive at. But hey hey hey. Remember my Cactus entry? She's the friend who gave that witty answer. I've been learning so much from this girl. She's been giving so much answers to my life questions... and she doesn't even know it. And oh, she's my future girlfriend. Sssshh.. she does not know about it yet. As Crystal, you'd see a fresh take on the role... It's just really... a too-friendly Crystal... Yeah all the guys who will watch the show will not fail to have their eyes glued to Crystal.. and well to Roxci of course. :)) 

Cassie Manalastas as Ronette 

She is everyone's Mommah. She has been my mommah ever since my newbie production. With an amazing ear for the voicing/harmony shiz, she gives the thick sound for the trio as she hits the notes with her sassy Blecq accent. Only Mommah Cassie can do the authentic Blecq attitude and accent. Yes, so good that you'd really think she's Blecq. We may know by now the shows that she watches. I just love her presence in the room as I literally feel warm whenever she gives me a hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek. She's just so dear to everyone that we can really feel that something is missing whenever she's not around.

Abi Sulit as Chiffon

She's my dearest wife.. HAHA. We're both HR Parents in BlueREP and what plans we have for the Newbies. (Newbies i hope you're reading this) HAHA. I doubt it if you know me yet. ANYWAY, we've known each other even before we both set foot in Ateneo. She'll always get the BELTING roles. Yes. She's the soprano of the century. She can nail any song. Name it. I dare you! :)) I love the fact that we're paired as parents because we both love being crass. HAHA. I think that's the legacy we'd like to leave. And yes, no boring moment with her, you'd just laugh laugh and laugh. And did I mention, you'd just lauigh and laugh and laugh? 

 

 Mela Tan as Audrey (Understudy)

Originally, the director did not want any alternate for any of the roles. But since Mela stepped up during the auditions and gave a memorable performance, she was given a chance to prove her worth in portraying Audrey. We all noticed how even in the posters, we'd say: "Ay, si Mela lang ang maganda..." HAHAHA. But that's true. With many suitors around, and acads, and the production, Mela must be living the fairy tale life. But think again. She is the fairy. UHM? Haha. Mela takes care of me during rehearsals and feeds me with food, she's just so sweet. And I can vividly recall how we partied at Fiamma. WASAK is the word. :)) 

So that's the cast! And if ever you're wondering about how my poster looks like... I have a separate entry for that. So also, watch out for me as I play, Orin Scrivello, DDS. And the Wino, the radio announcer, the customer, and another customer, Mr. Bernstein, Mrs. Luce, Skip Snip, and Patrick Martin. Whooo. I'm a very supportive supporting actor am I not? HAHA

So guys watch Little Shop of Horrors as we open on August 10!

Cactus

It started I think a month ago when a friend of mine made a witty statement about that stupid question, "If you were a catcus, why?" on Formspring.

She said: I hurt people who come too close.

And then a thought hit me. That's how I eventually turned out.

A series of heartaches primed by that one incident in August 22, 2010.

I tried so hard to forget about it. Made every conscious effort to believe that, yes people make mistakes, and they can change for the better. Even I make mistakes and made rash ones over the months that have passed, and of course even before that. But that event in that August 22 of last year, and now it's the 23rd, the day in that month when I found out about it... You see how it really stayed in my heart and how I even get bad dreams about it, until this very day.

I can still remember him pleading for me to stay. With tears in his eyes, kneeling down. My heart so crushed and beginning to shape into something that it was not meant to be. The heart that then grew spines. The spines of the cactus, which not only defend the cactus against herbivores but also provide shade that lowers the plant's water loss through transpiration. Thank you wikipedia. :))

I deemed them as herbivores, and to avoid them I must at least appear not as a prey. Or be the predator (or at least show and prove them that you're one). And to these people I have hurt, you now have your explanation. Im not saying it's justified. Not at all. I'm just saying where I came from.

So here I am, with spines or thorns if you wanna call it. Hoping that someday they'll be gone. Hoping that I won't get that same dream over and over again. Hoping that the next time I sleep my spines won't dig through me as I lay my back against my bed and turn over. It's hard to lie down when you're a cactus, you know.  You just have to keep on standing your ground. :)

Rainbow After the Rain

When you start something, you sometimes find you asking yourself, "where am I to begin?"

Things can only get better.

It's time to revive a soul that's crushed.

Time to stand up after being trampled on.

Time to leave the 'friends' who turned out to be otherwise.

Time to firmly hold on to the people who remained Steadfast.

Time to smile without erasing the pain.

Time to find my voice again, and never make someone else lose it.

Time of rejuvenation.

Time to rejoice and give thanks.

Time to heed the Call.

Time to go out and face the storm

Time to be just be still and stand facing the colors of life.

Embrace the promises.

Especially after the rain.